when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
