Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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