I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
