The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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