Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
