There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
