i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
