I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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