So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
