it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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