How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
