Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
