she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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