I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
