I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
