Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
