I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
