she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
