I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
