the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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