Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
