So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Randomize
