I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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