I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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