i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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