I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
