i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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