I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
