also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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