So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
