WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
