i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
