I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
