I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Im part way to drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
