she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
