david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
