mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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