So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
