I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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