Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
