that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
