i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
