Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
