Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
