She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
