At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
