yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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