I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
