There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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