Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
