hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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