Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
