If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
