ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
